Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Losing a Loved One

On December 26, 2015, I lost my grandmother. A woman who very much filled some of the void that my absent father left. She has always been there, my whole life, with a warm hug, a
birthday card, iced cookies on Easter (she always a kept a few extra just for me) a ride to school or to share a Cardinals game together.

I spent the last six weeks of her life with her day in and day out, at the nursing home, watching her slowly pass on to the other side. I had the privilege to feed her, to pray with her, to tuck her into bed, to love her back in the way she had loved me all 34 years of my life.

The time spent with her is something I will always treasure. I take solace in knowing that when she left this planet, she knew how much she meant to me, how much I loved her and who she was for me.

It's been two months since we laid her to rest.

This is the first time I've lost someone close to me and I HATE that it won't be the last.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Radio Interview with Pete Saunders of Braveheart Radio

I sat down with Pete Saunders, host of Braveheart Radio and a fellow fatherless son on August 13th
to discuss Father Absence issues.

In the interview, I share some of the my personal story and how I have worked to overcome the impacts of growing up with an absent father.

We also discuss what defines an absent father, the top 3 impacts of growing up with an absent father and some steps to take if you are dealing with some of those impacts.

I hope this helps you or someone you know.

Click the link below to access the link to the show.

Braveheart Radio Interview with Pete Saunders

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The Day I Stopped Believing In Family

I was born on October 23, 1981 at 7:32 pm. I entered the world like most children except for one very important thing, there was only one parent in that room.

In the absence of my father, I became very close to my grandfather, Hank. He was a World War II veteran who had served in the 1st Infantry Division and by all accounts a grumpy old man, who drank too much and had a stern attitude. But, not for me, I adored him and he adored me. I think I was a bit of a second chance for him to express love to his children in a way he couldn't when he was younger.
And, how could you resist my two year old face, looking for the love of a father, crawling on my hands and knees, barking and panting, pretending to be a puppy.

In November 1985, my grandpa, the closest man in my life lost his battle to lung cancer. At age 4, I lost the closest man in my life who was in my mind the father that I didn't have.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

How to Believe in Yourself

Kids with absent or distant fathers are often missing that foundational belief in themselves. Absent a
loving and present father, kids are forced to fend for themselves and create their belief in themselves on their own with no guidance or backstop.

It’s why so many of us became so independent at a young age. We craved appreciation and encouragement  and someone to believe in us, to see our greatness and recognize it, and in the face of not getting that met from a father (who should have been the sole provider of that) we were forced to try to manufacture belief in ourselves with our own unsteady willpower.

We became independent so we could avoid the disappointment of another person letting us down. We decided to fend for ourselves, not trust others and to take control of our belief in ourselves like we took control of everything else.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Surprise, I've Got Needs and So Do You (and we aren't good at getting them met)

This post is dedicated to Cammie Peterman of The Big Bold Life. She is a huge supporter, one of
those people that sees your greatness, it's impact and then reminds you of that. I saw her last weekend and she shared how much she loved the posts and wondered where they had gone.

I haven't posted in the Absent Father Project for several months now. I chalked it up to not being inspired to write here, being busy with very exciting things like moving to San Francisco, coaching extraordinary human beings and leading teams, or perhaps the incredibly (mostly annual) dark period I experienced in the Fall of last year.

The truth is, I noticed that I don't get much feedback on the blog. Not many comments and not many shares and not many likes. I ran out of steam.

I feel like it comes with the territory and the nature of this writing. It's deeply vulnerable and personal, and talks about the very core of the issues and challenges we face as human beings, especially those of us who were raised with an absent or distant father.