Friday, February 13, 2015

Surprise, I've Got Needs and So Do You (and we aren't good at getting them met)

This post is dedicated to Cammie Peterman of The Big Bold Life. She is a huge supporter, one of
those people that sees your greatness, it's impact and then reminds you of that. I saw her last weekend and she shared how much she loved the posts and wondered where they had gone.

I haven't posted in the Absent Father Project for several months now. I chalked it up to not being inspired to write here, being busy with very exciting things like moving to San Francisco, coaching extraordinary human beings and leading teams, or perhaps the incredibly (mostly annual) dark period I experienced in the Fall of last year.

The truth is, I noticed that I don't get much feedback on the blog. Not many comments and not many shares and not many likes. I ran out of steam.

I feel like it comes with the territory and the nature of this writing. It's deeply vulnerable and personal, and talks about the very core of the issues and challenges we face as human beings, especially those of us who were raised with an absent or distant father.

To read it, takes courage. To allow it to impact you is even more courageous. And to let others know that you read it or it impacted you or that you can relate; well that is just downright SUPER HERO!

While working through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron with a support group led by the brilliant Mytrae Meliana I got some new insights into what's going on with my creativity and more specifically this blog. For those that don't know it's a recovery program for your inner artist, and we all have inner artist, an inner creator.

One of the most profound things I learned in sharing my work there so far is:

A. It's not only okay to need positive feedback, encouragement and acknowledgement of my creative endeavors, IT IS MANDATORY.
B. I'm incredibly resistant to  receiving positive feedback and acknowledgement of my creative endeavors and I pretend that I don't need it or I shouldn't need it.

Yet another installment of that little boy, who just wanted a father who saw him, acknowledged him, had his back when no one else did, AND the little boy who gave up on that, who decided it was better to not need anything from anyone ever, than it was to be with the excruciating disappointment of not having a Dad.

Your turn: 
Have you noticed starting things that are important to you and then having your performance level off, not being able to sustain your the things you're up to?

Consider you have needs and they aren't getting met. If you're starting something scary, get supported. If you aren't sure you are doing enough, ask one of your biggest fans. If you have a blog and you need some love sent your way, ask for it. Ask for it from your biggest fans.

Leaders have needs. Human Beings have needs. The children of Absent Fathers have a tenacity, a self reliance, a strength that is unparalleled and remarkable in denying needs, but like any strength, overusing it is detrimental to your greatness.

I have a request: If this blog has ever touched you or someone you know, will you let me know? It would mean the world to me. It's like fuel to my fire.

With Love

If you're near San Francisco Check out the new Meetup Group"

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