Picky Eaters and Control Freaks

I hate mayonnaise! I didn’t eat a taco or even touch a salad until I was 16. My mom had the hardest time trying to cook anything that I would eat growing up.

It’s one of the few things I could control as a kid, what I put into my mouth. What I couldn’t control was that people who are supposed to love me (like my dad), sometimes abandon you, physically and emotionally.

As a kid, my automatic reaction was to figure out how to avoid having that happen, EVER again. Having control, I thought gave me safety from others who I couldn’t rely on. No reliance meant no danger.

I sought “safety” in two ways:

1.  I controlled myself so I was never too much or too little of anything like a hyper vigilant drill sergeant. This way no one would get disappointed in me and leave. 

Learning to Be a Man

Most of us think learning to be a man to is about the man things, like learning to shave, how to court
like a gentleman or how to dominate an opponent.

Speaking for myself, its one of the things I pined over growing up. If only my father had been there, I would have had an easier time navigating this crazy world and being the man I'm supposed to be. I would have had a resource to show me the way, how to fight, how to date, how to play, how to lead.

One of the things I've been learning lately is what it truly means to be a man. And, that most of us don't learn this, even if our fathers are in our lives.

Why Do Dad's Leave?

This is a question that has puzzled me for most of my life.  How could a person leave their own child? 
I couldn’t abandon my dog for God’s sake, or even my cat which I wouldn’t mind most of the time.

I’ve come to an understanding about why father’s leave their children.

I actually came to this understanding through my own understanding of when I abandon things.

I abandon things when I’m afraid I won’t do them perfectly.

What do I mean by “Absent” or “Distant” Father?

In my case “Absent” meant pretty much that exactly.  My Mom and my Father were dating, my Mom got

pregnant with me, told my Father and I never met him or even saw a picture until I was 13 years old.  He remained absent my entire life until he passed away a few years ago.

Absent doesn’t just mean a deadbeat like my father.  An absent father also includes those who passed away when you were young, a father who gave you up for adoption, a father who was busy working far away from home for long periods of time.

Sometimes I notice people making excuses for their parents not giving them the thing they most wanted as a child.  Look, I truly believe your parents and mine did the best they could with what they had at the time.  For that we thank them.  Even those fathers who leave and never come back, like mine did. 

Do You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others?

Do you compare yourself to everyone, everywhere on everything?  Are you always on top or on bottom,
ahead or behind, in any given scenario?

Take a look, most of us create comparisons in every moment. "They are more successful than me, I am more successful than them."  "I'm better at my job than them, but not better than so and so."  "I make more money,"  "They're richer and luckier,"  "I have a better, car, house, furniture, boat, vacation..." or, "I don't have a better house, car, vacation so that makes me crap and I need to do more, to get that, so I can be as good as them."  "She is so skinny."  "At least I'm not as fat as her."