In my last post, I talked about a day where I made three errors in one inning in a high school baseball
I'm guessing it's pretty easy for you to understand why that was painful. The humiliation, the embarrassment, and the shame plus being in high school when it happened.
All of that was unpleasant, but the thing that hurt the most that day and many other days of my life was realizing that I had no back stop. There was no one to pick me up, that had my back, that could tell me I was going to be okay and that a couple of errors didn't mean anything about me. No dad to say, get back in there, "You can do it."
That's the thing that I think is most devastating about growing up with an absent or distant father. Feeling like you are completely alone in the world, having to fight for yourself every inch of the way. It's like forcing yourself to climb a 14,000-foot mountain with no safety ropes.
It's terrifying, pressure-filled, anxious, lonely and demands constant perfection.
The thing I didn't know then is that I'm not alone, I do have support, people love me and they do have my back. I just wasn't ready to allow those people to support me.
It was too dangerous back then. What if the rope breaks? What if the rope isn't in the right place?
I know now that even if the rope breaks, I'm capable and powerful beyond all potential breakdowns in relationship. I'm no longer a dependent child.
The other thing I didn't know, or more correctly forgot, is my relationship to Spirit, God, The Universe or whatever you would like to call it.
The ultimate father is the omni-present, loving and powerful force that animates all things.
Remembering that this loving force is with you, behind you, in front of you and inside of you at all times is the ultimate path to reconcile our deepest fears.
When you are in communion with this omni-present, loving force there is nothing to fear, nothing to pine for.
So Here's a Few Practices to Support You:
1. Take a look around and make a list of people that would be willing to support you in some way if you needed it. (This can be financial, emotional, physical, etc.)
2. Practice asking for support from your support circle. The thing we do is stop asking for support which reinforces our story that no one is there for us.
3. What is your relationship to Spirit? Create one. Pray, read books that source you, be loving to others. Do things that inspire you... which means to be in-spirit.
4. Please share on this blog if you have had the experience of realizing you didn't have a backstop.