Would you call yourself a procrastinator, while others might call you an overachiever? Do others
marvel at your achievements while you relate to yourself as lazy?
Do you need deadlines and goals to "motivate" yourself and keep you from complete withdrawal?
Lots of questions here, but what we are really looking at is what drives you. Recently, I have uncovered how much I am driven by drama. People wouldn't neccesarily call me dramatic, but I thrive on drama. Drama in my finances, drama in my fitness, drama in my eating, even drama in going to the bathroom.
What I mean by drama is that I'm constantly running from a cycle of achieve/avoid/achieve/avoid/achieve/avoid. It's like I need the drama in order to take action. If I don't see the immediate payoff I put it off.
With food, I often find myself putting off eating until the last possible moment when I'm starving. With money, I just try to make enough to not have to look at it which creates a long running drama of enough and not enough.
This drama creates a narrow space to exist, somewhere between not too bad and not too much. Its completely safe and I find it difficult to let go of because I've used this way of being to achieve things.
It's safe because I'm never too much for others and at the same time not too little. It's drama that keeps me small.
So what do I do with that?
Take the simple, boring steps and actions as a practice.
Take out the ambiguity in your finances.
Stop creating so much drama about the food you eat.